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Everyone. I am basically an Undergraduate Student in an University in Asia.

My Classes started in the Month of August 2025. Now before coming to college I made my mind in such a way that I decided that I will not speak with others but instead if anyone asks me anything, then I will reply.

But after coming to the college, my friends are repeatedly trying to speak with me and want to make me their friends. But I really don't want that. Not only the friends but also the Teachers of the University are also disturbing me repeatedly. I basically don't want to take the help of others, but the Teachers are repeatedly asking me that if you have any doubts then please ask.

I want to stay alone and silent. But the environment is not permitting to do that. Everytime someone is always available to disturb me.

Please guide me how to get rid of these things. I want to know that how can I control myselves ?

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  • There is deep irony here. You seek silence, both internal and external, yet seek to learn "the way" by coming forward to ask for experienced guidance from others who would gladly offer up their well intended experience, even if those be 'second hand' to them, too... Each of us makes this sojourn through our individual lives. Based on what you've written, my offering is to 'find your own answer within yourself.' The odds are very hight your shoes would give me blisters, were I to walk any distance in them. Silence is regarded by most as 'anti-social'. This website is a form of "social media". Commented 22 hours ago
  • Why ask others if your path is one that is alone? Here I am being sincere. Commented 18 hours ago
  • Re: Hazards of restricting discourse: Descartes is famous for contributing "Cogito ergo sum" early in the 17th century. One can imagine him staring into the fire while his mind sought ultimates and axioms. One may also presume that, in his mind somewhere, he was grateful for the warmth of the release of Plogiston keeping the cold at bay, and his ink in its bottle 'liquid'. There exist numerous reports of deprivation causing human minds to spiral out-of-control. Be careful what you wish for. Commented 1 hour ago

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I want to stay alone and silent. But the environment is not permitting to do that. Everytime someone is always available to disturb me.

Please guide me how to get rid of these things. I want to know that how can I control myselves?

You are in control over yourself only. That should be pretty easily done: as you said you have made up your mind to stay quiet. So do that; do not initiate speech with others as far as possible. If someone starts to talk with you, reply in a manner that is conducive to the points mentioned by Paraloka in their answer, but in a way that allows you to bow out of the conversation politely as soon as possible.

You cannot stop others from initiating dialogue with you. Your environment is what it is. You would do wisely to accept that, and learn to live with noisy surroundings; especially with speech directed towards you. Your university is not a cloister, it would be really unwise to try to enforce that, and a way straight to frustration.

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In Buddhism, a student must talk to their teachers.

In five ways, young householder, a pupil should minister to a teacher as the South:

(i) by rising from the seat in salutation, (ii) by attending on him, (iii) by eagerness to learn, (iv) by personal service, (v) by respectful attention while receiving instructions

DN 31

In Buddhism, the practice of Right Speech is taught rather than Non-Speech:

If, while he is dwelling by means of this dwelling, his mind inclines to speaking, he resolves that 'I will not engage in talk that is base, vulgar, common, ignoble, unbeneficial, that does not lead to disenchantment, dispassion, cessation, calm, direct knowledge, self-awakening or Nibbana โ€” i.e., talk about kings, robbers, & ministers of state; armies, alarms, & battles; food & drink; clothing, furniture, garlands, & scents; relatives; vehicles; villages, towns, cities, the countryside; women & heroes; the gossip of the street & the well; tales of the dead; tales of diversity, the creation of the world & of the sea; talk of whether things exist or not.' In this way he is alert there.

But,' [he resolves,] 'I will engage in talk that is scrupulous, conducive to release of awareness, and leads exclusively to disenchantment, dispassion, cessation, calm, direct knowledge, self-awakening & Nibbana โ€” i.e., talk on modesty, contentment, seclusion, non-entanglement, arousing persistence, virtue, concentration, discernment, release, and the knowledge & vision of release.' In this way he is alert there.

But there is this (mental) dwelling discovered by the Tathagata where, not attending to any themes, he enters & remains in internal emptiness. If, while he is dwelling there by means of this dwelling, he is visited by monks, nuns, lay men, lay women, kings, royal ministers, sectarians & their disciples, then โ€” with his mind bent on seclusion, tending toward seclusion, inclined toward seclusion, aiming at seclusion, relishing renunciation, having destroyed those qualities that are the basis for mental fermentation โ€” he converses with them only as much as is necessary for them to take their leave.

MN 122

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Not only the friends but also the Teachers of the University are also disturbing me repeatedly.....I want to stay alone and silent

I think you are confusing what true silence is. If your mind is not silent, no amount of seclusion from the outside world will provide your mind with peace. The first step is to acknowledge, recognise and understand the craving for solitude/silence/peace in our mind.

See this craving and how it is disturbing our mind. Be alert, acknowledge, watch and observe its presence.....especially in those moments when the outside world infringes into our so-called โ€œprecious sphere of quietudeโ€. When that happens, just stay alert, aware and watch cravingโ€™s presence, see how it shouts, screams and demands. See how irritation, frustration and anger joined forces in such times. There is no need to fight, suppress or control all of these emotions. Watch them like an audience watching different people acting out a play. Recognize them as they appear in the play (ah...thatโ€™s irritation acting out its role right now and I see frustration and anger lurking behind the scene waiting for their moment to make an entrance).

I donโ€™t know how long the above process will take. But a moment will come when the mind realize that this desire and its companions are really not wonderful friends to have but overbearing guests. Then our mind begins to get tired of their presence and tantrums. Thatโ€™s when we finally recognize them for what they are i.e. tyrants, slave masters and obsessive-compulsive control freaks. Thatโ€™s when we are ready to uninvite these guests and let them be on their way. Strangely, I believe when that happens, itโ€™s also when we begin to understand what true solitude and silence is about.

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Everytime someone is always available to disturb me.

I want to know how I can control myself?

Satipatthana mindfulness is appropriate in this situation. When you see in this way, you understand that you're responsible for disturbing you.

When you see that you're not in control, you're seeing anatta or not-self. It's wrong practice to try to control or get rid of anything. The best way to control is to not control.The best way to get rid of things that are bothering you is to just be mindful of what is happening and naturally you will let go of your need to control. It's important to note that gaining the insight that you're not in control is the point of the practice as opposed to attaining some temporary state of peace or happiness. The point of Satipatthana is to cultivate insight into reality that things are unsatisfying, impermanent and uncontrollable(not-self). Generally, the more insights that arise, the more towards Nirvana you will be.

When we believe something like, "Someone is disturbing me" that is too conceptual and it glosses over what is really happening. In Satipatthana, nothing is ever that personal. Only in the conceptual reality that we make up is anything ever personal. When you see as you're practicing Satipatthana, you're seeing what actually is, untainted by our concepts. Not that conceptual reality is bad, it's just not the most accurate way to approach reality.

You have seen what's really happening. Everyone has but we never think to look closely because we are too busy conceptualizing and reacting with emotions.

If you look closely, experiences are happening one after the other. You might think an angry thought, feel anger, the sensation of hotness may arise, then a thought happens, then the sound of a car arises and so on. Satipatthana is just about looking at those things directly without reacting to them or adding any extra concept to them.

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  • If conceptual is not looking, what is looking? How can you look closely if looking is not found? Commented yesterday
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    @nacre I didn't mean to imply that conceptual is not looking. Concepts and words approximate what actually is, more or less. You can look at concepts closely but they aren't really real. When you look closely at what actually is, non-conceptually then you are witnessing reality in the same way the Buddha looked at reality to attain Nirvana. Commented yesterday
  • @nacre If you feel the sensation of an itch on your arm, witnessing it non-conceptually means seeing the sensation as it is, as it changes through time and in every moment the itch isn't the same as the itch it was in the last moment. Just labeling it "itch" is kind of a short cut and we never have much motivation to look at an itch closely or any experience closely like seeing, hearing, smelling or thinking. Also, when you think something, you don't worry about the conceptual content of the thought if you're viewing with the practice of Satipatthana, you just see a thought as it's happening. Commented yesterday
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    @nacre The Buddha's teaching seems very imaginative but don't get it twisted, it's the core theoretical teaching of the Buddha that's important but Satipatthana is verifiable. It's just witnessing what is so the even more important teaching is past the theoretical and it's shown to whoever practices Dhamma practices appropriately and you realize that that those imaginative teachings are actually about something very real. The Buddha taught through metaphor, it's not really important if gods actually exist or not. Commented yesterday

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